I'm gonna have a badass scar
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
