And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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