I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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