Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize