i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
