Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
