On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize