"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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