Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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