but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
