New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
a search helicopter?!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize