i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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