I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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