There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
