Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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