i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we made out on top of his cat.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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