every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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