Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
