All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
