Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
