So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
