Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
