I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
