We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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