I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
