I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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