I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
