he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize