would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
