you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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