That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
