Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
