can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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