I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize