i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
