i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
