Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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