everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
