Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
