I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Are we still banned from the library?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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