the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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