just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
