Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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