You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
