I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
