she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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