omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
