Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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