I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
