I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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