Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
