i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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