actually, I'm a sock model
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
