Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
