I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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