My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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