clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
