My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
