I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
