i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize