ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am available for nakedness
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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