I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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