apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
