Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
