Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
