Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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