plz talk dirty to me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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