I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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