Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
