Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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