so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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