Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
