god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize