i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
