Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
