Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
