hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize