Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You are a genius and a whore.
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