he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
