So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
