Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
