Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
