Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
