Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
