the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
