she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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