called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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