I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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